The Fat Boy

When John was 10 years old, he ate a piece of cake that somehow contained radioactive blue cheese. That night, he grew more than 200 pounds and became bouncy and blobby. Since that fateful night, he was known to all as Fat Boy.

When Fat Boy related his origins to his peers, everyone thought that he must have gained some super powers from the radioactive cheese. Well, Fat Boy was no Spiderman. He did not gain any superhuman, strength, agility or intelligence. Fat Boy was just enormously, ridiculously fat. But being fat has its benefits too. Fat Boy’s adipose tissues are so full and engorged that they shielded all his vital organs from any form of impact, even if it came from a moving train. In short, he was invincibly fat.

With great power comes great responsibility. It was natural, then, that Fat Boy spent most of his adult life fighting crime. Every night, he would comb the streets and smother muggers, rapists and gangbangers with his massive cellulite until they passed out. When the police arrived at the scene later, they would often find Fat Boy’s victims covered in sweat, as though they just had an overly long stay in the sauna.

As time passed, people were becoming more affluent and civic minded. In addition, the police became better trained and better equipped at crime fighting. As a result, the streets became cleaner and safer. Muggers, rapists and gangbangers no longer roamed the streets. There was no longer a need for Fat Boy to patrol the streets anymore.

Gradually, Fat Boy’s existence became obsolete. The newer generations do not even know him anymore. To them, he was nothing more than urban myth. And to those who saw Fat Boy, he was nothing more than a kid who ate too much. Yes, Fat Boy still looks very much like a kid even though it has been 30 years since he ate that piece of cheese cake. It was as if he was immune to the passage of time.

The older generation, especially those in government, seemed to notice that Fat Boy hadn’t aged at all. While they used to laud his feats, they now fear his apparent immortality. Some in parliament want to harness his powers for the military. Others want to eliminate him for good. Few saw Fat Boy for who he really was – a crime fighting hero. And so, it was decided that Fat Boy would be captured and experimented on by a select group of local scientists.

Another retired vigilante, Supper Man, caught wind of the government’s plan. Supper Man has crossed paths with Fat Boy on several occasions. But unlike Fat Boy, Supper Man did not have any super powers. Hence, he admired Fat Boy’s prowess in stopping crime in the previously filthy city. Thus, when he knew of the government’s conspiracy, he immediately rushed to warn Fat Boy.

Fat Boy was furious when he heard the news. He wanted to smother each and every one of those bald and scheming politicians with his fats. Seeing his rage, Supper Man feared Fat Boy might just carry out his threat. He had no choice but to calm him down with beer. Soon the alcohol kicked in and Fat Boy became depressed rather than angry. He could not believe that the city he grew up protecting could breed such cruel ingrates. But then again, he never believed cheesecakes could be radioactive.
It was the saddest day of his life.

Fat Boy told Supper Man that he needed some alone time to think things through. Supper Man was reluctant to leave at first, but eventually left Fat Boy, for he knew he would want to be left alone if he were in the same situation. As soon as Supper Man left, Fat Boy took a shot of Chivas Regal to calm his nerves. Then, he focused his mind and squished all his fats to his chest. Then, suddenly and swiftly, Fat Boy delivered a heavy blow to his chest. With a loud thud, Fat Boy’s heart splattered.
Immediately after the demise of his heart, all of Fat Boy’s fats started burning up. Soon, all that is left of the legendary crime fighter was but a set of steaming bones.

-Wai Han on 31122009 at guard house.